(Listening to this song while you read this, is strongly encouraged)
There is an exquisite design to our universe and every day that I pay attention, I find evidence of that. Some call that God, and that’s cool, but it might be more complicated than that. I have found anchors of hope in my wanderings, these anchors show me the signs of perfection in that design. They have come from many places and experiences. One of my most recent examples is Joy Oladokun. Artists like Joy are no accident, artists like Joy define a generation and I am better because I found their music.
There is no “secret” to life, no magic formula, you just live it. The blueprint we boomers gave you is not the answer… go to college, get married, get a job, have kids, retire, and die. There is little fulfillment in this blueprint, and it never accounts for changes. The changes we encounter make us who we are supposed to be.
Life has taken me where it wanted to take me, and I have adapted. It took me forever to understand what made me thrive, and even longer to do it. Joy Oladokun figured that out much earlier than I did, and I am so grateful to have their music in my life. I found it just when I needed it.
I hate change, yet my life has been nothing but change. It started with the chaotic swirl my dad followed in his quest to be a cowboy. We lived in twenty-nine places before I was sixteen and I never learned how to get comfortable. I learned that I am never going to have friends. I have always danced out on the edge… but I have always caught the wave. I learned to lean into the changes, it took me a while, but I learned. I have always survived changes, and I have never stayed the same.
I recently spent a weekend with some of my family, some whom I haven’t seen in three or four decades. They have known me for most of my life and they carry pieces of me, and I carry pieces of them. I love all my weird and intricate family so much.
We gathered to say farewell to my Aunt Donna…
Going home can be a beautiful thing, it can heal in a way I had forgotten. It was wonderous to see the cousins that held me when I was a lost single dad trying to figure out how to get from today to tomorrow. If not for them, my kids and I would not have survived. It was magical to talk about the days when we were young and scared. We had no idea where we were headed, we had no idea at all. We were just living… There was the deepest despair and agony, but there were also great joys, and it was always changing.
This song and my visit with people I love reminded me of how much I have learned from change. Life is dangerous but it is so worthwhile. I am watching closely now, to see what changes the universe will bring next. One of them is learning how to grow old, I won’t stay the same.
I know there will be new things that will make me cry and there will be new things to make me laugh. And it will make me different. I will find gold… I will find hope… I will find joy.
I’m tryna keep up with the changеs
I’m tryna keep up with the changes
Everything is always in motion; everything is always changing.
I saw my two brilliant kids and marveled at how much they have changed. They have both become caring and powerful adults. It makes my heart glad to see my little girl grow up to be such a beautiful bad ass woman. She has followed no one’s path and she has been shaped by that. It is her time to thrive.
Seeing my son is like looking into a mirror. His pain and his pride are all so deeply ingrained in my memory. I lived the loneliness he feels, and I know the despair. Life can be very cruel; it can etch the heart right out of your soul. He is dancing through the chaos and trying so hard to hold on.
They have both fought their way to this day and they will fight their way to tomorrow. I tried to teach them that success is not a title or a big bank account… Success is finding joy, and reaching for every piece of hope you can find.
We are all just trying to keep up with the changes.
was a baby during the L.A. riots
And I’ve seen cities burn again
Cried for the innocent a thousand times
And people still don’t understand
What it like to hope again and again knowing
That heartache’s gonna be there ’til the end
I was not a baby during the LA Riots, I was thirty-one and a ditch rider in eastern Washington. I listened to Rush Limbaugh, home schooled my kids and went to church three or four days a week. I didn’t just dabble in the things that shackled my parents; I did a back flip into them. I alienated everyone with my fiery proclamations of Christs return and how they would atone for their wicked ways.
I tried extremely hard to keep change from affecting my kids. I never let them think. I was strict and unyielding. Most of the voices around me were the ones I chose, they sounded just like me. There was one quiet voice that laughed at me and spoke the truth into my delusional soul. Jeff was a coworker, and he taught me how to back up a dump truck with a trailer attached. He also taught me how to see…
Jeff was somewhere around my age and rode a ditch south of mine. In the winter when the water was not running, we were part of the maintenance crew and we helped prepare the canal system to carry water next season. Jeff and I liked to work, so we got paired together a lot. We were not the ones who needed twenty minutes to get ready for our fifteen-minute break, nor did we leave the job site two hours early, driving four miles an hour to get back into the yard right at quitting time. No, Jeff and I liked to work, and we liked to talk. He disagreed with everything I held dear, and I disagreed with all his liberal ideas. But we liked each other. There are a few times in your life when another being gives you a little piece of themselves that you find later, and it changes you. As I began to unravel my privilege and see the world like it is, there are many times that I heard Jeff chuckle and say, “Russ, it is good to care.”
Jeff saw the world in a light that was leaning into change.
I haven’t talked to Jeff for thirty years, but his quiet grace helped me understand the world around me and know that it is so good to care.
I’m tryna keep up with the changes.
I’ve had a few careers since those conversations with Jeff and countless dances with chaos. I leaned into change, hard…
I rushed into it, and I found hope. I learned that chaos was my dance, and it showed me what life could be. I spent twenty years managing technology in education and I worked hard to kick down the barriers that kept me from my chance at college. I embraced change so desperately that I failed to see that I was leaving my family behind. I never gave my kids any idea of how life really works, I was too busy trying to change the world… That is my worst failing.
I wanted to be a better father than my dad, but my dad was fine. He knew what made him thrive, he was a cowboy, and a good one.
I have found joy and had a rich life by being swept into change, but I still don’t like change.
I feel like I am finally finding my way…. and I won’t stay the same…
I’m tryna keep up with the changes
I’m tryna keep up with the changes
People are yelling about the end. And the world is certainly on fire, I worry for my grandkids.
Our home, planet Earth, is giving us every indication that we need to change, but I am not sure we will. I do not know what my grandkids will find when they are my age. I believe we could change, but I am dubious about our will. I worked for years to sway even the mildest ideas of thinking, like, everyone should be able to use technology, not just the abled.
I have no idea how writing about all of this could change anything but what could it hurt…
I do feel anxious, and I know it’s dangerous.
I don’t want to stay the same, so, I am leaning into the changes. I am looking for the next wave I can ride, hoping not to get washed ashore…. I will keep dancing with chaos. I want to see where it spits me out….
If you haven’t wandered through the catalog of Joy Oladokun, then you need to. Joy is a once in a generation songwriter, singer, and precious soul. In every song, there is magic, I mean every song. I wrote about Sweet Symphony last September, and here I am again. Joy’s voice reaches into you and makes you feel something. Their lyrics will wrap you up, right where you are, and fill you with love and hope. Joy is so amazingly good… I plan on being in their audience as soon as possible, I want to feel that magic in person and let it wash over me, getting me ready for whatever change is next…
On April 28th, “Proof of Life” will fly into the universe. “Changes”, is a single from that album and “Sweet Surrender” is another. You need to check it out, I have no doubt it will be full of magic and beauty.
I am forever grateful to you, Joy. Thank you for having the courage to be authentic and give the universe your music.
This old man is better because of you…
I found healing in these last little bits of time and I’m sure my Aunt Donna is smiling. She loved very well, and everyone she met felt like they had been seen. I am blessed to have known her. Her passing and the gathering of the family to say farewell ushered in a change, life without Donna.
Donna was a wife, a mom, a grandma, and a great grandmother… she was my aunt, and she was my friend. Everyone who knows her is faced with changing their life to be without her. That is the heart of this song for me. Know the danger of life and its changes but know the joy of riding its wave. Chaos will teach you to thrive and riding the waves of change will carry you somewhere, you just need to be ready…
Will you lean into the changes?
Don’t worry too much about where you are going. We are all headed to the same place, we’re all going to die. We don’t talk about dying much, but it is the only thing to always be true. We all die, and no matter how important we are or how much we feel we deserved better, we will die… Don’t worry so much about where you are going, stop wondering if you are worthy. You are alive and your life is as valid as anyone’s. Put your wet suit on and catch a wave…
Don’t save anything for later…
Make sure you don’t leave the people that matter behind.
Life is dangerous but it is rich, and your life is yours. No matter how many times you have tried to hope and failed, lean into the changes, and never stay the same.
Learning, listening, and growing…
A Connoisseur's Lullaby 